Getting Connected

Categories: Building Better Relationships

 Marriage is a lifelong union of a man and a woman before God (Gen 2:18-25). Therefore there is no need to rush into marriage. Wait until you are ready, your readiness does not depend on what your family or society tells you.  It is dependent on what God and you say about it.

 There are certain myths about singleness. Many feel that they cannot be single & happy, that their life will not begin until they get married, that their spouse will meet their deepest needs or that they are not attractive enough or too old to get married. These are myths as they are not true. Singles should enjoy this time as it is a time when they can enjoy being an individual, building their character and drawing closer to God. We also need to realise that only God can meet our deepest needs, life is now-don’t wait for marriage to dictate when your life starts. God is not limited by time, He has a perfect time for you to get married.  In the meantime, enjoy life and prepare yourself spiritually. It is not only about how you look outwardly but rather more importantly, how you look inwardly that will attract a spouse.

I would say therefore, that it is a good idea to discover whether we are ready for marriage in terms of our physical, economic, emotional and spiritual maturity. That is to say that we need to be of marriageable age, at a point where we are ready to be accountable to another person concerning our spending habits, able to communicate as an emotional adult (able to have mutual concern and problem solving skills) and be at an adequate level spiritually as this will help in our marriages. For example, we need to develop our prayer life so that we will be able to pray for our spouses.  We need to have an understanding of what the bible says concerning marriage and we need to know how to hear God’s voice so that we can recognize His voice in decision making before and after marriage.

 Finally we need to consider carefully the values and qualities that we would like our future spouse to have. Remember, the bible says that God wants to give us the desire of our hearts. Therefore our personal desires, likes and dislikes are not wrong but we cannot and should not be too rigid in our criteria. For example if we only look at those who are compatible with us, we may be overlooking the fact that people change and also God can use our differences for His glory. The differences between spouses can compliment each other. Also if we base our choices on money, here again money can develop wings and fly away.  On the other hand, God can make someone to be rich in one day. No situation is permanent.  Therefore, never make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. Likewise, if we base our decision on levels of education, this too does not have to remain permanent. Another factor that often influences marriage choices is family background or race/ethnicity. The truth is however, that once we are in Christ, there is no Jew or Gentile-we are all one in Him. We now have the blood of Jesus running through us. As previously mentioned though, our Father will take into account our desires so if you want to marry someone who is from your race, that is ok, what we are saying is that we shouldn’t be too rigid because we are scared of differences. All that we need to do is to keep God the centre of the marriage and He will help us to reconcile all other differences whether cultural or social status.

 Let us return to our opening thought, that Marriage is a LIFELONG union, therefore, let us consider all of the issues listed here carefully so that we will be able to make wise decisions and be adequately prepared for the wonder that is in marriage.

—–Andrea Onduku

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